雅思写作高分范文演示与独家点评

发布时间:2013-12-31 13:25:49 来源:杭州朗阁培训中心 编辑:杭州朗阁小编
很多考生的作文平淡无奇,没有亮点,拿不到高分。今天杭州雅思培训小编给大家点评一下高分范文,看一下得分点在哪里。  Task 1:T...

       很多考生的作文平淡无奇,没有亮点,拿不到高分。今天杭州雅思培训小编给大家点评一下高分范文,看一下得分点在哪里。

 \
  Task 1:The two bar charts below show the percentages of male and female students in secondary education and higher education for four different regions of the world in 2000.
  此次图形出现的是两幅柱状图,在小马过河的课堂上,关于柱状图我们主要分两种写法:
  1.如果横轴有明显的时间推移的话,烤鸭们应连接柱子顶点,重在描述柱子的升降起伏,写法类似于线状图。
  2.如果无时间推移,则写法和饼状图一样。即按照各比较对象所占比例的高低写,同时要注意4个地区男女生在中等教育和高等教育所占比例之间的比较。
  可以用到的词汇有:
  1.表示“占多少”的动词
  Account for
  Take up
  Make up
  Contribute to
  Have
  Represent
  2.表示“最高级”和 “比较级”
  第一/最小 the largest/biggest proportion of
  第二 the second/next largest/expensive(+ 形容词的最高级)
  第三 followed closely by
  最低/最小 the smallest percent of all
  3.表示“相同比例”
  即在饼状图中遇到了比例相同或者差不多的饼,如有A B两个比较对象。
  A accounts for the same percentage as B .
  The proportion of A is as high as B
  A and B contributed equally/evenly to (all )
  Task 2 :Nowadays more and more work can be done by machines instead of hands. Do you think its positive impact on the development outweighs its negative impact on individuals or society?
  该文属于雅思写作18大领域中的科技类,该类的文章在雅思写作中的考察主要集中于现代科技(如这里的机械化大生产)对人们生活方式所产生的影响,具体体现在3个方面:
  1. 科技的发展的影响是正面的还是负面(如2006.1.14);
  2. 科技发展使我们的闲暇时间变得更多还是更少(如2005.2.19);
  3. 科技发展对我们的文化、思想、观念和社区有什么影响(如2007.3.31)。
  写作示范
  本文属于第1点和第3点的组合型题目,典型的report 类题型,利用黄金对称式写法全文分四段展开。
  首段交代背景,提出写作目的,共③ 句话。
  ①It is an indisputable fact that machinery poses a significant effect on modern society, either on an individual or social level.
  语言点评:注意句型it is an indisputable fact that 短语:pose a significant effect on 和individual or social level.
  ②③However, when it comes to whether its positive effects outweigh the negative ones, opinions tend to vary. This essay aims to explore the issue from different perspectives and draw some suggestive conclusions.
  语言点评:注意短语:explore sth from different perspectives, draw some suggestive conclusions.
  主题1段: 交代机械化对个人和社会的正面影响。共⑤句话。
  ①No one can deny the fact that modern machinery brings tremendous convenience and benefits to our lives .
  语言点评:该句此段的中心论点。注意双重否定表肯定句型No one can deny the fact that 句式的使用;排山倒海结构 brings tremendous convenience and benefits 的使用。考试大-全国最大教育类网站(www.Examda。com)
  ②With the advent of little gadgets such as computers and mobile phones, people can conduct their business without meeting each other face to face, thus improving working efficiency, saving time and energy and gaining more leisure time of their own.
  语言点评:此句作为第一句的支持句,以computers and mobile phones 为例,指出电脑手机等通讯工具的发明使得人们极大地提高了自己的工作效率以及有了更多的闲暇时间可以支配。注意with以及thus improving等结构引导的伴随状语表因果。由此得出启示:表达因果不一定要用because 或者是so这样的老熟人。
  ③Invention of the Internet triggers an even bigger revolution both in people's lifestyles and the developing pattern of the whole society. ④Because of E-banking, E-trading and on-line shopping, gone are the days when people had to obtain what they needed in some tangible supermarket or met their business partner in another city.⑤Moreover,telecommuters may sit comfortably at home as all the business can be performed on-line without going to the office, therefore reducing the potential risk of traffic congestion, urban air pollution and petrol use.
  语言点评:③④⑤句利用排比的形式从因特网发明的角度说明其对个人工作以及社会发展方式的影响,注意E-banking, E-trading and on line-shopping, traffic congestion, urban air pollution and petrol use.等专有词汇的使用;triggers an even bigger revolution, reducing the potential risk of 等短语的娴熟使用以及gone are the days when句式的信手捏来都有可能构成考生的潜在加分点。
  主题2 段: 交代科技发展所带来的消极影响,共⑥句话。
  ①At the same time,however, one must not fail to see the detrimental effects brought about by these modern tools.
  语言点评:At the same time,however笔锋一转,读者可以预料作者接下来会讨论现代科技所带来的负面影响,注意句型:one must not fail to see sth 以及短语the detrimental effects of sth brought about by sth的使用。
  ②Mobiles, for instance, become permanent public intruders as people tend to speak at an increased volume and cause enormous disturbance to others.③Moreover,some addicts seem to be more prone to certain type of cancers and motorists may suffer a higher risk of collisions and losing control of the vehicle when driving and talking on the phone simultaneously.
  语言点评:接下来从手机带来的负面影响入手,指出其所带来的噪音污染,引发癌症以及交通事故的潜在危险。 注意专有词汇: addicts,motorists, collisions ,public intruders以及短语be prone to sth, suffer a higher risk of sth 的使用。
  ④Plus, Internet becomes another thief who steals people of the time to perform leisure and recreational activities, making people become socially isolated and suffer serious loss of vision, back pain and obesity. ⑤In addition, the overwhelming amount of information on line deprives them of the ability of think creatively ,as the only thing they need to do is absorb what is available on line, thus stooping to become passive receivers rather than active thinkers. ⑥Some on-line games and TV shows may even contain pornographic or violent elements which distracts teenagers away from their study and become potential criminals of our society.
  语言点评:再次利用层层推进的形式将常常被许多考生写过的因特网弊端一网打尽,讲得精讲得透才不至于落入俗套,同时在语言上采用的各种修辞格如:拟人Internet becomes another thief who steals people of ,押韵:passive receivers rather than active thinkers.排比使得考生的英文功底在考官面前如“风吹草低见牛羊”之姿态展开。
  结尾段:总结全文,重申论点,共②句话。
  To conclude, modern machinery brings both positive and negative effect on people's living. However, as sensible individuals in this society, we need to harness the great convenience it brings and try to minimize the potential risks arising from this process.
  语言点评:对于科技类的文章,科技为双刃剑的结论虽然被奉为圭臬但是考生完全可以用不同的语言来表达这一结论, harness the great convenience it brings and try to minimize the potential risks arising from this process. 远远要比:Technology is a double edged sword 或者是Every coin has two sides这样的语言要好很多。

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